Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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