in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
