she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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