I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we're so committed to being not committed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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