it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
