Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
