I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
