yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When are your genitals available?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
