found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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