Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
