bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize