apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize