my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
