Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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