Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize