I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
