OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to sanitize my soul.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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