I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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