The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
