I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
