READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
time to smoke my breakfast
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
