I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
