i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
