He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
