Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
God, I missed his penis.
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