we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
