We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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