I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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