shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
