Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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