Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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