i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
