Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
