I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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