i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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