Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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