now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
