Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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