Acid is not a monday night drug
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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