69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
