My pussy is not your playground.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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