He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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