I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
