I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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