Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
