Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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