Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
