so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize