literally had 100 drinks last night.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
