You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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