Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
