Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
