Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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