Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
