I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
