What did we do last night that was yellow?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
