Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
