some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
