A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
