That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
