I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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