When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
