Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
