apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize