I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
