Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
