I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
