I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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