If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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